Imagine, if there was a pure communication issue in your relationship. Then, in the example above, you would offer “It’s Friday, let’s order pizza tonight.” Your partner would say “What are you talking about? I don’t want pasta we always order pizza.” You: “I didn’t say pasta, I said pizza!” Partner: “I know what I heard. Don’t raise your voice when you talk to me!” You: “I am calm! You should stop criticizing me…” That would be a pure communication issue that resulted in a fight.
If you are successful in the above experiment and have a positive communication experience with your partner on a non-controversial issue that probably means that the real issue is not communication per se. The real issue may be that you lose your communication ability only when you and your partner disagree on something. If that is that case, it would be fair to say that you have communication issues only when it comes to difficult conversations. There is good news that comes with that. That is a solvable issue! Please note that a pure communication issue is much more difficult to resolve because it would involve raising your general aptitude level, getting a hearing aid, and working with a speech therapist.