In our work with couples, we do not support affair counselling when one partner is unwilling to end an ongoing affair. We believe that it is counterproductive to the process of rebuilding trust and, from our experience, it does not produce positive results. We ask the couple to end any ongoing communication with the third party in order to invest their time and energy into their relationship.
We focus on two necessary aspects of recovery from an extramarital affair. First, we help the couple process the underlying feelings of hurt, anxiety, shame and guilt that usually accompany the aftermath of an affair. This process helps the couple reconnect and restore genuine affection in the relationship. Second, it is important to process what made the couple vulnerable to an affair in the first place. This includes an in-depth analysis of their relationship dynamics and patterns of communication. From our experience, the whole process takes two to three months, on average.
If you are dealing with the consequences of an extramarital affair, remember that there is hope. With competent professional help couples usually overcome the devastation and work through the affair.